Privacy Policy

Pet Stuffers is a satirical brochure website. It is not a real company, it does not sell products or services, and it does not process transactions of any kind. That said, we still ran it past a privacy lawyer who hadn't had their morning coffee, gave it a quick once-over, and suggested we take this seriously. Therefore, everything below is accurate to the actual behaviour of this website. Probably.

1. Who We Are

Pet Stuffers ("we", "us", "our") is a novelty humour website operating at petstuffers.com. It is not a registered business and does not offer real goods or services. For the purposes of the UK General Data Protection Regulation (UK GDPR) and the Data Protection Act 2018, the site owner acts as the data controller for any personal data processed through this website.

2. What Data We Collect

This website collects very little data, because it does very little. Specifically:

Data you provide voluntarily: The contact form on this site is non-functional. It does not submit data to a server, store your input, or send emails. Anything you type into it goes nowhere. We mention this because the lawyer made us.

Technical data collected by our hosting provider: When you visit the site, our web hosting provider may automatically log standard server access data, including your IP address, browser type, operating system, referring URL, and pages requested. This is standard web server behaviour and is collected on the basis of legitimate interest (GDPR Article 6(1)(f)) in maintaining site security and availability. We do not access, analyse, or use these logs to identify individual visitors.

3. Cookies and Local Storage

This website does not set any cookies. None. Not a single one. No analytics cookies, no tracking cookies, no marketing cookies, no session cookies. Zero.

The only client-side storage we use is your browser's localStorage, which stores a single flag to remember that you've dismissed the cookie notice banner. This is not a cookie, does not leave your device, and contains no personal data -- just a record that you've acknowledged the banner so it doesn't keep popping up. This does not require consent under GDPR or the Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations (PECR), as it is strictly necessary for a function you have explicitly requested (dismissing the banner).

4. Third-Party Services

This website loads resources from the following third-party services. These services may process limited technical data (such as your IP address) when your browser requests these resources:

• Google Fonts (fonts.googleapis.com) -- Loads the Quicksand and Chewy typefaces. See Google's Privacy Policy.

• cdnjs / Cloudflare (cdnjs.cloudflare.com) -- Loads the Font Awesome icon library. See Cloudflare's Privacy Policy.

We do not use analytics platforms, advertising networks, social media tracking pixels, retargeting tools, or any other third-party services that track or profile visitors.

5. Legal Basis for Processing

The only processing that occurs is server-level access logging by our hosting provider, which is carried out on the basis of legitimate interest (GDPR Article 6(1)(f)) -- specifically, the interest in maintaining the security and operational integrity of the website. We have assessed that this minimal, non-identifying processing does not override your rights and freedoms.

6. Data Sharing

We do not sell, rent, trade, or share personal data with any third parties. We have no customer database because we have no customers. We have no mailing list because we have no mail system. The lawyer wanted us to state this explicitly, so: we share your data with absolutely nobody.

7. Data Retention

Server access logs are managed by our hosting provider and are typically retained for a maximum of 90 days before being automatically purged. We do not maintain any additional data stores. The localStorage flag in your browser persists until you clear your browser data.

8. International Transfers

The third-party CDN services listed above (Google Fonts, Cloudflare) may process requests on servers located outside the UK. These providers maintain appropriate safeguards for international data transfers, including Standard Contractual Clauses and adequacy decisions recognised by the UK Government.

9. Your Rights Under GDPR

Under the UK GDPR and Data Protection Act 2018, you have the following rights in relation to any personal data we process:

• Right of access (Article 15) -- You can request confirmation of whether we process your data and, if so, a copy of it.

• Right to rectification (Article 16) -- You can request correction of inaccurate data.

• Right to erasure (Article 17) -- You can request deletion of your data.

• Right to restrict processing (Article 18) -- You can request that we limit processing.

• Right to object (Article 21) -- You can object to processing based on legitimate interests.

• Right to data portability (Article 20) -- You can request your data in a machine-readable format.

In practice, given that we hold essentially no personal data, most of these rights will result in us confirming that we have nothing to provide, correct, or delete. But the rights are yours regardless, and we will respond to any request within one month as required by law.

10. Children's Privacy

This website is not directed at children under 13. We do not knowingly collect personal data from children. Given that we don't knowingly collect personal data from anyone, this is a fairly safe position.

11. Data Security

The site is served over HTTPS, which encrypts data in transit between your browser and our server. Our hosting provider maintains appropriate technical and organisational security measures for the infrastructure. Since we don't collect or store personal data ourselves, our attack surface is, mercifully, very small.

12. Complaints

If you believe we have mishandled your personal data, you have the right to lodge a complaint with the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO):

Information Commissioner's Office
Wycliffe House, Water Lane, Wilmslow, Cheshire, SK9 5AF
Website: ico.org.uk
Helpline: 0303 123 1113

We genuinely hope you never need to do this, but the lawyer said we had to include it, and they were giving us a look.

13. Contact

For any questions about this privacy policy, please contact:

This is, against all odds, a real email address that is actually monitored.

14. Changes to This Policy

We may update this policy from time to time to reflect changes in law or site functionality. Any changes will be posted on this page with an updated effective date. We will not reduce your rights under this policy without clear notice. If the lawyer ever has their coffee and decides to actually read it properly, we might update it.

Last updated: 6 June 2026